Vigilantly practice indifference to external conditions. Your happiness can only be found within.
Epictetus
55 – 135 A.D.
Recently, I was working with a young woman who had a real medical problem. As a result, she would spend way too much time on the computer and concentrated her energies on developing online relationships. At the time, she was feeling depressed because an online relationship had turned sour.
I suggested that she do a couple of things differently. First, when she felt the walls “closing in on her”, she should take a walk or do anything that involves physical movement, since exercise produces healthy chemicals in the brain. This idea was quickly dismissed: “When the walls are closing in, I just don’t feel up to taking a walk.”
I also suggested that she spend more face time with friends and less time with cyber friends. There were two reasons for this advice: I believe it’s easier to make more positive connections when face to face; and it’s much easier for people to create false identities when online. But again, my suggestion was met with an excuse based on her situation.
There were several other suggestions, but they were all shot down in the name of her medical challenge.
Everyone has challenges. Some are medical, some from our relationships, some work related and some financial. But we all have challenges. And we can respond to these obstacles in one of two ways. We can use the challenge as an excuse for our behavior, in which case we are a victim. Or we can acknowledge the challenge and work around, through, over or under the challenge. We can accept the fact that we have a particular challenge but not let it define who we are. In this case, we are a survivor.
I’ve met plenty of victims who complained loudly to anyone willing to listen how life had treated them unfairly. But they never seemed to get past their challenge and move on with life. Truthfully, they seemed to enjoy being a victim; it was all the excuse they needed not to put forth any effort to do better.
If you live long enough, you’ll have some challenges in life. It’s easy to fall into the victim role. It’s easy to start feeling sorry for yourself. But it doesn’t solve any problems. The only solution is to accept that you have a challenge and become a survivor of that challenge.
You will never meet a wealthy or a happy victim. There’s no real benefit in being a victim. No matter what the challenge, commit to being a survivor.
As he Thinketh in his heart, so is he.
Proverbs 23:7
Copyright © 2009 John Chancellor