Today’s Lesson is from my daughter and editor, Cheryl Chancellor.
There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.
Benjamin Franklin
1706 -Â 1790
Several years ago, Julia Roberts and Richard Gere reunited on the big screen for the romantic comedy Runaway Bride. Though the film wasn’t as memorable as Pretty Woman, it still contained a valuable lesson worth sharing.
In this movie, Roberts played a serial bride-to-be who repeatedly got engaged only to flee each ceremony partway through. After interviewing her abandoned grooms for a news story, Gere discovered that Roberts’s character, Maggie, was a chameleon of sorts, adapting herself to each man she dated: she would change the way she dressed, the things she ate, even her hobbies. Each time, Maggie tried to be the person she thought her boyfriend wanted. But her behavior left her dissatisfied because she wasn’t being herself.
While it may not be immediately obvious, many of us act quite a lot like Maggie. We try to match an image formed for us by others — a romantic partner, our parents, our friends, or even society in general. From childhood, we’ve been shaped by the people around us as we internalized the message that some qualities and behaviors are acceptable and some are not. Many people never question those judgments; they never consider that there are other options, ones that might suit them better.
For instance, some people believe that a traditional career with a large employer is the only acceptable choice. But not everyone is suited to working set hours under strict supervision. Some people function best as entrepreneurs who make their own rules, or they prefer working with startups, where rules and procedures tend to be more flexible. But unless someone learns how they work best, they may never find a satisfying career fit.
If you truly want to be happy, you need to spend time learning about yourself and discovering what makes you feel complete and satisfied — and, of course, you need to make life choices that align with that knowledge. You should also remember that your feelings will likely change over time as you evolve and grow. Becoming truly happy with yourself and your life is a continual journey, one that takes a lifetime.
You might achieve some degree of happiness through serendipity or by trial and error, but you’re more likely to succeed if you cultivate the self-knowledge to guide your choices and decisions. The time you spend getting to know yourself will reap benefits for years to come.
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.
Mark Twain
1835 –Â 1910
Copyright © 2016 John Chancellor and Cheryl Chancellor