Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open.
John Barrymore
1882 – 1942
No matter who you are or how good your life is, at some point, you’re going to be unhappy. It might only be for a few hours or a few days: someone could hurt your feelings, you could break or lose a treasured possession, or a host of little things might go wrong. But there’s always the potential for worst case events, ones no one is immune to: you could lose your job or your savings, be diagnosed with a serious illness, or see a loved one get hurt or die. In those cases, unhappiness can settle in and take over, consuming you until you can’t remember what being happy felt like.
Most of us have a plan or a ritual we use when we want to celebrate life’s victories. We go out for a nice dinner, pop the cork on some champagne, or reward ourselves with a treat we’ve been craving. But fewer people have a strategy handy for when we’re feeling out of sorts or depressed.
When we’re unhappy — particularly if we’ve been unhappy for days or weeks — it can be tough to think of coping strategies. So why not plan ahead and be prepared when bad feelings strike?
My daughter has started putting together a “happiness box”: a decorative tin for storing reminders of specific items and activities that make her happy. So far, she’s listed things she can do in just a few minutes, like listen to a particular song or watch a certain video online. Each time a new idea comes to her, she writes it down on a slip of colored paper and puts it in the box. Then, when she’s having a bad day or week, she can dip into the box and select something to do to make herself feel better.
Anyone can make a happiness box; all you need is a container, some paper and a pen. You can brainstorm ideas for a box all at once, or you can build up the contents slowly over time. I suggest you combine the two approaches: get a box and load it up with a dozen ideas, then add several new suggestions each week. Happy songs and links for funny videos are great starter items to store in your box. You might also consider listing activities with a nostalgic factor, like playing with a toy, reading a picture book from childhood, or thumbing through your high school yearbook.
Be warned, even the most effective activities won’t work miracles; if your spouse has just died, you can’t expect to watch a funny animal video and feel normal again. But these activities will help you generate positive feelings during negative times and slowly move you towards a happier state.
You should also keep in mind that any activity has diminishing effects. Each time you draw on a specific suggestion — say, eating a favorite food — you’re likely to get less joy from it than before. So it’s important to have a lot of activities in your arsenal rather than rely on the same one every time. (Planning for unhappiness is one case where it’s both acceptable and advisable to have a Plan M.)
We should all take steps to safeguard our emotional health the same way we protect our physical health. Unhappiness can strike at any time, so why let it catch you unprepared? Start filling up your happiness box and you’ll be ready when life gets you down.
Gather the crumbs of happiness and they will make you a loaf of contentment.
Author Unknown
Copyright © 2015 John Chancellor and Cheryl Chancellor