It’s the easiest thing in the world for a man to deceive himself.
Benjamin Franklin
1706 – 1790
Last week, I introduced the idea of the when, then trap. I wanted to revisit it this week because it’s such an important concept — and it’s easy to convince ourselves that it only applies to other people. But I believe we all fall into the when, then trap a lot more often than we realize.
At one point, I was working with a client who was in a dysfunctional, co-dependent relationship. He was complaining quite a bit about his partner, so I asked him when he planned to do something about it.
He instantly went into “when mode”: when the business is healthier, I’ll be able to leave her;Â when she’s emotionally stronger, I’ll act;Â when my ill mother is no longer with us, I’ll be free to go. He went on and on about the events that needed to happen before he could do anything.
I tried to get him to see that all these reasons were really just excuses for not taking action, but he refused to see that he had any alternative. He was convinced that he couldn’t act until external circumstances changed.
About six months later, he was complaining about the relationship again and I asked what he planned to do about it. This time his reasons were completely different, yet they were still just excuses to delay action. He was unwilling to change, so he used his reasons to reassure himself that he was right to do nothing.
Do you act this way in any area of your life? In your business? With your job? With your relationship partner, your health, your savings, your spending habits?
We rationalize much more than we realize. Unfortunately, we believe our excuses; we convince ourselves that we cannot and should not take action until some specific point in the future — a time that may well never come.
I’m not suggesting that you walk out on a relationship, immediately quit your job or do anything drastic. But at least be honest with yourself about your lack of action and develop a plan to change your behavior.
If you’re waiting for the right time, you’ll always be waiting. Pay attention to your thoughts and words: if you keep telling yourself that you’ll change things “when,” you’re really giving yourself permission not to change. But if you recognize that you’re falling into this trap and take appropriate action, you can make a profound difference in your circumstances.
You must be proactive with your life. Don’t wait for “when.” Start now. Take small, manageable steps. The longer you wait to start changing, the more difficult it will be to change.
To be always intending to make a new and better life but never to find time to set about it is as to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.
Og Mandino
Copyright © 2014 John Chancellor