Who are you?

We always have a choice about the content and character of our inner lives.
Epictetus
55 – 135 A.D.

I want to walk you through an exercise I often use with people. It’s best done face to face, so I want you to imagine we’re sitting across the table from each other. I would start by asking the question: Who are you?

How would you answer? Think about your answer, or better yet, jot it down on a piece of paper. Often people will ask me to explain. I simply repeat the question, tell me who you are.

Please give this some thought before you continue reading.

I often have to ask the question several times before I have an answer that’s detailed enough to illustrate my point. But eventually, I get a typical set of answers that cover some combination of the following: name, marital status, age, physical appearance, home address/location, occupation or profession, number and types of degrees, professional associations, religious and/or political affiliation, favorite actress/actor, favorite singer, college/professional team affiliation and a few other descriptive traits.

Then I ask them to tell me what all or at least most of the things they mentioned have in common. This normally stumps them. But I let them ponder the question for a few minutes. I want them to really search for some common thread in how they describe themselves.

When they start to grow frustrated, I explain that all or most of the descriptive terms they used were external.

I believe a lot of our problems in life come from the idea that we’re defined by our possessions, accomplishments and affiliations. Too often, we define ourselves by external things. If we define ourselves by externals, we will constantly be seeking more. We will never be content. Externals are always changing; what is adequate today will not be tomorrow.

We need to define ourselves by what’s on the inside. Think about your core values. What do you stand for? What principles guide your life? Your values allow you to develop beliefs. Your beliefs control your actions, and your actions determine your circumstances. If you aren’t happy with your circumstances, ask yourself: Who am I? What are my core values? Am I living by my core values?

If you’re going to lead a successful life, you must clearly define who you are. You can’t live by your ideals unless you know them.

If you’re going to lead a successful life, you must clearly define who you are. You can’t live by your ideals unless you know them.
Epictetus