Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.
Marquis de Condorcet
1743 – 1794
One of the major threats to happiness today is our cultural mindset of competing and comparing. Most of us have fully adopted this way of thinking; we believe that life’s resources are scarce and we have to fight for our share. We compete for love, friends, jobs, money, attention, respect and social status. Then we compare our gains against those of our peers, neighbors, and even strangers. We feel good about ourselves when we surpass others but feel demoralized when we see people who have more or accomplish more. This self-judgment can be very stressful and lead to doubts about our self-worth.
So how do we combat this practice of competing and comparing?
First, you need to recognize your tendency to engage in this behavior. You also need to understand the dangers of this mindset. When we focus on beating the competition, we tend to engage in unhealthy behaviors. We often adopt an “all’s fair in love and war” attitude: we exhibit less empathy towards others, take shortcuts in an effort to get ahead, and even compromise our values in order to come out on top.
The dangers of comparing are nearly as bad. We waste lots of time and energy worrying about how we stack up next to others. Constantly comparing ourselves to others creates ongoing stress — a primary cause of many health issues. And our comparisons are generally inaccurate. We’re much harder on ourselves than others, and we observe accomplishments without knowing how much effort went into attaining them.
To break this cycle, you need to change your view of the world from one of scarcity to one of abundance. There are plenty of resources in life. Give up the notion that someone else’s victory is your loss and adopt a win/win attitude instead.
We need to stop comparing ourselves with others. Instead, focus on your own performance in light of your time, skills, resources, and potential. It’s easy to focus on the negative, but don’t fall into that trap. No one is perfect. As long as you’re putting forth an honest effort and making progress in life, you should congratulate yourself.
If you step away from the idea that life is a contest you have to win, you’ll be taking a giant stride towards improving your happiness.
When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
Lao Tzu
c. 604 – c. 531 B.C.
Copyright © 2022 John Chancellor