Because vs. If

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.
Henry Ford
1863 – 1947

How many times have you uttered the words “I can’t because…”? It’s a phrase I hear often — and I confess, I’ve been guilty of using it too.

Our brains are hardwired to believe it’s okay to pass on doing something if we have an acceptable excuse. So as long as we can find a good enough reason, we have no trouble saying, “I can’t, because….”

If we only used this phrase for unavoidable conflicts, it would be okay. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. We can and do use it to escape from all sorts of difficult, challenging, or unpleasant situations.

The incidents that concern me most are when we use this phrase to justify not trying something challenging, despite the potential for significant personal growth or achievement.

I’ve had plenty of clients who said they wanted to achieve more in life but constantly made excuses for not reaching their goals. Invariably, they’d say things like, “I can’t because I’m too busy / too young / too old / too inexperienced.” (You get the idea.) They always had an excuse why they couldn’t accomplish their goals. And as long as they believed their excuses were valid, they felt justified doing nothing. They wouldn’t even try.

But I’ve learned a little trick to foil their excuses. I no longer allow them to say, “I can’t because….” If they do, I gently explain that they need to change their language. Instead of saying “I can’t because…”, they must say, “I can do it if this circumstance occurs.” This little shift in wording forces them to identify conditions where they could accomplish their goals.

Let’s take a simple example. Suppose someone asked you to meet him for lunch. Your instinctive response might be “I can’t, because I already have lunch plans today.” But remember: you have to frame your answer to allow for a positive outcome. So in this case, your answer might be, “I can if I reschedule today’s lunch meeting.”

When the Mars Pathfinder team was given a budget of $150 million to land a rover on Mars, their initial answer was, “We can’t do it because landing modules cost too much.” By reframing the situation — “We can land a rover on Mars in budget if we can figure out how to omit a landing module” — they were able to accomplish their mission.

So here’s the lesson. Change your language and reframe your thoughts. Stop saying, “I can’t because…”; don’t admit defeat before you even try. Instead, say “I can if….” Look for solutions instead of excuses and you’ll be well on your way to achieving your goals.

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal.
Thomas Jefferson
1743 – 1826