Making choices

If you don’t like what’s happening, you have to consciously make new choices about how to think, feel and act.
Roger Allen

A few years ago, a young lady and I were talking about some issues in her life. She was having trouble accepting responsibility for her part in these difficulties, so I asked her a question: how good are you at making choices?

She was quick to reply that she always made good choices. She went on to say that she thought things through, weighed all the possibilities and felt like she made good decisions.

I then asked her how she measured the quality of her choices; what benchmark did she use to gauge the quality of her decisions?

She had a little trouble with that question.

I explained to her that her current circumstances were a reflection of all her choices. Almost any aspect of her life that she didn’t like was the result of a poor choice she had made.

This observation didn’t go over very well. She immediately said that a lot of negative things had happened in her life and she had absolutely no control over them. She then added that one of her friends had done something that created real problems for her.

I asked her if she had chosen to be friends with this particular person. She reluctantly admitted that the relationship was her choice, but she quickly added that she didn’t choose for her friend to cause a problem.

Then I said, “Knowing what you now know about this person, if you could go back to the start and reconsider your choice, would you still want her as your friend?” She thought about it for a long time and then replied, “Probably not.”

Life is full of choices, and we control the choices we make. Once we’ve made certain decisions, we have to live with the results. And our circumstances are a reflection of the decisions we’ve made. If we don’t like our lives, we need to re-examine our choices.

This concept is difficult to accept because it means taking full responsibility for the things that happen in our lives — which can be rather challenging. But if you’re honest and go back far enough, you’ll find a link between your present circumstances and some choice you made.

Take a good look at your life. Those areas where you’re experiencing problems are a good place to improve your choices.

The better you become at making good choices, the better your life will be.

Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made.
Wayne Dyer