When will you be happy?

Men of ill judgment oft ignore the good that lies within their hands, till they have lost it.
Sophocles
c. 495 -429 B.C.

Over the years, I’ve been an adviser to a wide range of people from countries throughout the world. When I start working with someone, one of the first questions I ask is, “When will you be happy?” or “When will you consider yourself successful?”

Here’s a sampling of the answers I’ve gotten:

When I complete my MBA, PhD, or some other academic accomplishment;
When I’m promoted to manager, director, CEO or some other position;
When I get a new home, a fancy car, a summer beach house, or a mountain cottage;
When I own my own business;
When my business is worth a certain amount.

You can probably see the pattern here: most people feel like happiness or success depends on some future event. But there are problems with that way of thinking.

First, when you tie your happiness or success to some milestone in the future, you’re unconsciously telling yourself that you’re not happy or successful now. But now is the only time you can feel successful or happy; now is the only time there is. The future is speculation: it doesn’t exist yet. If you don’t let yourself feel good now, you may never get there.

The other problem is that any standard you set for success or happiness is a moving target. Once you obtain the position, income, or possession you think you need, you quickly become acclimated to it. And almost immediately, you devise a new standard.

Our requirements for happiness are usually based on arbitrary comparisons. And the income we want, the job title we seek, the status we think our possessions convey — all these measures are relative. Once someone we know achieves a similar status, we automatically raise our standards.

So what’s the lesson? Happiness can and should be achieved right now, through appreciation and gratitude for the good things already present in your life. Give up comparing your life and your accomplishments to others. You’ll never feel happy or successful when your focus is on other people. Learn to be happy with what you have.

Nothing ever happened in the past; it happened in the Now.
Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now.
Eckhart Tolle
1948 –